Tuesday, September 25, 2012

I'm Asking for Your Heartbeat


Press my ear up against your chest
Let me hear your heartbeat
Let it be the music in my ears
I want that rhythm to pound in my veins
I want my heart to beat with yours
Lord Jesus, let our hearts beat as one

Let me look through your eyes
See what you see
Give me your vision
May your vision be mine
May my vision be yours

Knit my life into yours
Let me be caught up in you

Monday, September 24, 2012

A New Shade of Blue


There is a blue unlike the ocean
Unlike the sky
Unlike the thread in my mother’s box
Unlike the pencil between my fingers
It is the depths of a mile-long well
Where sunlight doesn’t reach
Except in streaks of lighter blue
That highlight the deeper hue
It is a story of love and anguish
Of excitement and despair
It is a word with no name
It is a message that cannot be said
This blue is a sky realer than real
A sea deeper than deep
It is a world I’d love to explore
It is incomprehensible, this blue
It is the colour of your eyes

Interesting note: I don't usually revise my poems once I've finished them, but I did go back and change a couple lines in this one just because I was having such a hard time describing this particular shade of blue.  I would read it and go, "No, that's not quite right.  This phrase would be more accurate," and change it.

Monday, September 10, 2012

Relationships, a River


When you meet someone, you’re jumping into a river.  The river runs with chemicals; they affect your emotions.  The water feels good; the water is happiness; it is pleasure.
Soon, as you float along the river, there is a fork.  To the left, a wide stream flows fast and deep into the great unknown.  To the right, a slight trickle flows over gently sloping ground, far into the distance until it disappears into the distant mist.
Here, a decision is before you: the slow, waning stream with not quite enough water to satisfy, or all that beautiful, gushing fluid in the main rush?  The current pulls you to the wide and the fast, so of course that is where you choose to go.
It is pleasure beyond measure, plenty of water, plenty of love.  But your gushing river rounds a corner, turns sour, and pours into the ground, disappearing.  No more pleasure, no more love.  You can’t go back now, but you think about what could have been.
You could have fought your way down the trickle, drinking up all the water you could.  It would have been long and hard, but in good time you would have reached the sea.  There it is: the sea of limitless pleasure.  No boundaries, only happiness.
“I don’t know what his price would have been, but it would have been worth it.”

Saturday, June 16, 2012

God's Reasonable Expectations

1 Corinthians 10:13-14 says, “God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptations he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.  Therefore, my beloved, flee from idolatry.”


Paul says, “Flee idolatry,” with all this stuff about how God will help you escape temptation, and how this is not an unreasonable request.  I think to the Corinthians, idolatry may have been one of those sins that were so prevalent in their culture that Christians thought it was going a bit too far to try to avoid them.  In 21st Century America, these might be premarital sex, immodest clothing, of even “little” things like gossiping, joking inappropriately…


But when God asks us to refrain from these things, he is not being unreasonable; he will not allow us to be tempted beyond what we can bear.  With the temptation he will also provide a way of escape.


Scripture quotations are from The Holy Bible, English Standard Version®(ESV®), copyright ©2001 by Crossway.  Used by permission.  All rights reserved.

Monday, June 4, 2012

Stockholm Syndrome

They didn’t watch me, watch me
They left me alone, all alone
Then they came for me, those others
They came and took me with them

It wasn’t long before they pawed on me
It wasn’t long before they played with me
It wasn’t long before they taught me
If I wanted to eat, I’d better be kind

And sure enough, he came along
That one they reported to all the time
He was the on who’d ordered them, ordered them
To take me, shake me, and break me

Pleased to see me, see me
Pleased to feel me, feel me
I pleased his whims and he
He saved my life from them

He was the one I depended on, dependent
He was my protector, defender
He was the only one I came to
He was, he was, he was my life

A little time did pass, it passed
And all the while he was my life
When they finally decided they cared again
I didn’t want to, want to hear from them

I clung to him, he fought for me
They tried to hurt me, hurt me
They tried to, managed to kill him
And now they’ve got me, but

They can’t take my life
Only I can do that

Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Deputy Marshal Noah Newman


Deputy Marshal Noah Newman

The Most Underrated Character in Fiction


Deputy U.S. Marshal Noah Woodrow Newman is the most underrated character in fiction.  Deputy Newman, played by Tom Wood, is a character in the classic film The Fugitive (1993) starring Harrison Ford and Tommy Lee Jones, and the sequel U.S. Marshals (1998) starring Tommy Lee Jones, Wesley Snipes, and Robert Downey Jr.  I found Newman appealing the first time I saw The Fugitive and U.S. Marshals, but the more times I watch them, I find him not only likeable, but quite the ridiculously awesome person.

Tommy Lee Jones’s character, Samuel Gerard, is tracking a fugitive in each of the two movies.  Sam has four other cops in his entourage: Robert Biggs, Cosmo Renfro, Erin Poole (in The Fugitive, replaced by Savannah Cooper in U.S. Marshals), and Noah Newman.  In The Fugitive, Newman is the rookie of the bunch, but in U.S. Marshals, he’s more of Sam’s right hand man.  He matures so much between the two movies, he learns to take his job more seriously, and he becomes a rather BA cop as well as a really sweet person.

Newman is humble and teachable, but not weak.  He knows he’s not always right; he knows he’s not perfect.  Tom Wood told me, “I decided to approach Newman as the newbie who wasn’t afraid to question things, even though he was a new guy.  This led to a more interesting dynamic between Tommy Lee Jones’s character and Newman, since Newman was able to create some challenge and doubt for such a surefire character as Gerard.”  In The Fugitive he has an intriguing scene (director Andrew Davis’s favorite scene) with Sam where he criticizes Sam’s tactics (because they put his life in danger), but in the end concedes Sam’s point and is willing to trust his word.  Many men are too proud to do this, but not Noah Newman.

Throughout both movies, Newman is hardworking.  Sam is always ordering him around and Newman just hops on every job he is given.  Newman is a servant; when the team is doing something and somebody has to do the unpleasant job, he does it.  He carries the bags, he holds the flashlight, he sits in the hotel security office while everyone else is having fun chasing down the fugitive.  He makes sacrifices.  He goes through a lot; in The Fugitive he gets taken hostage and almost gets his brains blown out.  But still he keeps going on, getting better and making bigger and bigger sacrifices until finally in U.S. Marshals he makes the ultimate sacrifice. 

Newman cares when others don’t.  Towards the beginning of U.S. Marshals, Sam gets in this epic plane crash and his team comes to meet him at this little corner store/restaurant in Kentucky.  Cosmo, Biggs, Cooper, and Newman all hop out of the Suburban (Newman carrying all their stuff, of course), and the other three are bickering among themselves, and Newman is the only one who asks Sam how he is!

If someone handed you a photograph and said, “I want you to find out who this guy is.  Find out his name, his age, his weight, his social security number, his location, relatives, pets, everything,” would you be able to do it?  Noah Newman did.  In The Fugitive, he has a picture of a man with these instructions from Sam, and he finds out the man’s name (Dr. Lentz), where he worked, that he is dead, when he died, who he knew, and what he was involved in.  Newman also discovers that Dr. Richard Kimble (the fugitive they have been tailing) was at Chicago Memorial Hospital just earlier that day to pick up liver samples.  This information is vitally important to finding Kimble and solving the mystery.  When Newman calls Sam to report, Sam says, “Well done, young man,” to which Newman simply replies, “My pleasure, Sam.”  Without Newman, The Fugitive may have ended tragically.

Probably my favorite scene in either The Fugitive or U.S. Marshals is the first scene in U.S. Marshals with Tommy Lee Jones and crew.  They’re doing a raid on a house and arresting two brothers (whose big-haired girlfriends try to defend them with knives and high-heeled shoes) and Newman is holding one of the brothers at gunpoint.  A baby starts to cry in the other room.  The man says, “My baby’s crying; I need to go check on my baby,” but Newman says, “Stay where you are.”  The man starts to move into the other room.  “I’m just going to check on my baby.”  Newman again and again commands him to stand still; when the man starts to reach into the crib, Newman shoots him.  Sam immediately rushes into the room, where he finds Newman holding the man (who is still alive, but on the floor) at gunpoint with one hand and comforting the baby with the other.  Once Sam has his gun on the man on the floor, Newman holsters his and picks up the baby, who immediately stops crying.  Then Sam discovers a shotgun hidden in the crib, so Newman was definitely right to shoot the guy.  The baby, now happy in Newman’s arms, reaches up to touch his face, to which he responds with a smile.  I love this scene because it shows both sides of Newman’s character: he is tough and does his duty, but he’s also gentle, sweet, and caring.  I feel like this scene encapsulates Newman’s character very well.

Despite all these ways Noah Newman is a truly remarkable individual, he is relatively unknown and unappreciated because he’s just a secondary character.  Consequently, I consider Deputy U.S. Marshal Noah Woodrow Newman to be the most underrated character in fiction.



Sources

The Fugitive (1993)
U.S. Marshals (1998)
IMDb.com
Tom Wood Personal Interview, 25 May 2012
“The Tall Guy” 8 March 1998 Chicago Tribune

Wednesday, May 2, 2012

Fiction/Reality Emotion Phenomenon


WARNING: The following article contains spoilers from the movie U.S. Marshals.  If you haven’t seen it and you want to, don’t read!


            I believe very strongly in the reality of Star Wars and Harry Potter.  I can tell you who my favorite DC and Marvel heroes and villains are (I usually prefer the villains).  I will fight you if you say Prince Caspian never lived.  Fictional characters have had a profound impact on my life; I would not be me if I hadn’t lost Archie Kennedy in the eighth episode of Horatio Hornblower.
            The first Robert Downey Jr. movie I ever saw was U.S. Marshals (1998), with Tommy Lee Jones—the sequel to The Fugitive (1993).  My very favorite character in both movies is Deputy Marshal Noah Newman, played by Tom Wood—not a hugely major character, but one of Tommy Lee Jones’s henchmen, and a wonderful man.  He’s the “kid” of the bunch, but we see him mature quite a bit between the two movies.  I loved him; halfway through U.S. Marshals, I was planning our wedding.  It came as a heartbreaking shock to me, then, when he rushes into the room to help his supposed “friend,” played by Robert Downey Jr., and Robert Downey Jr. just turns and shoots him.  Noah Woodrow Newman, age 32, died on the way to the hospital.  I could not get over it—either Robert Downey Jr.’s character’s treachery, or the fact that my favorite character had died!  After the movie was over, I had to walk around outside for twenty minutes just to cool off.
            Ever since then, I have not been able to have the same enthusiasm for Robert Downey Jr. that my friends have.  When we went to the movie theatre to buy our tickets for the midnight premiere of The Avengers, I could hardly look at his face on all the posters and displays.  It’s a good thing I root for Loki¸ I thought, because I’m pretty sure I could never like Robert Downey Jr.  My friends thought I was insane.  They told me he was a fabulous actor, and how could I not think he was wildly attractive?  They said I just needed to see Sherlock Holmes and I would feel different, and how on earth could I have never seen Iron Man?  But it just didn’t work.
            After I had my ticket in my hot little hand and the deal was sealed—I would indeed be seeing Robert Downey Jr. in another movie—I decided it would be a good thing if I learned to like Robert Downey Jr.  So I watched interviews and movie clips; I learned about his personal life, about his children, Indio and Exton.  I looked at pictures of him on Pinterest.  Sure, he looks great with his shirt off.  I even repinned a picture of him with the caption, “Fine.  I admit it.  He’s good-looking.”  But all it took was one glimpse of him young and clean-shaven, and I wanted to puke.  No matter how much effort I put into it, I still associate him with his character in U.S. Marshals!  I see him as a traitor and a murderer.  I see him as the man who shot and killed my beloved Noah Newman. 
            Isn’t it interesting what an impact fiction has on reality?  If I were ever to meet Robert Downey Jr., who knows how long it would take me to get over this dislike of him?  It’s not his fault his character was a git—worse than that, a murderer of perfectly wonderful men—or at least, one.  But still I hold it against him.  Is this some sort of certifiable mental illness?  Nerd Syndrome, or something?

Monday, April 9, 2012

Still working on it

I am still working on that same story; it's already over 6000 words, so a bit long to post here, but maybe I will post it in increments.  I'm really excited about it!  I've been doing major revisions and lots of research.  One of my main characters (James) has high-functioning autism, so I'm trying to get that right, which is a bit tricky since I don't really know anyone who is autistic.  But my ever-faithful technical consultant, Lynne, whose brother is slightly autistic, has been with me through it all.  Can't wait to tell you more about the story!

Wednesday, March 28, 2012

I'm Back...with plans!

I am really excited about the story I’m working on!  I’ve finished my rough draft and intend to do some more research before editing.  Here is a teaser from my rough draft:

We walked in silence for awhile, but it was a pleasant silence.  The sun peeked out at us between the buildings, casting long shadows across the street.  Then we would pass into the shade again and, as if on cue, a cool breeze would greet us.  It was warm, for April, almost like a summer evening.  I enjoyed it, and I enjoyed being with James.  I knew he wouldn’t judge me.  He was judged too often by others to wish it on anyone else.
 
            Following that train of thought, it occurred to me that I could be blatantly honest with James.  He wouldn’t care.

            “To tell you the truth, James…”  He looked at me expectantly, but my voice sounded loud, even above the noise of traffic.  I took a deep breath.  “To tell you the truth, I’m intrigued by you.”  The corner of his mouth twitched.  “I’ve found you…interesting to me.  Most people are depressingly boring, but you…”  I couldn’t explain the hold he had on me—even to myself.

            “You’re the first person in a long time who really seems to care about me,” he said.  “Lots of people take pity on my and…force themselves to be nice to me, but you…”

            I suddenly realized we had both trailed off the same way.  It made me feel that maybe James and I were more alike than I’d supposed.

            I linked my arm through his and asked, “What are your goals in life?  Your dreams?”

            “I don’t understand,” he said.

            “What do you want? If you could be anywhere in the world, where would it be?”

            “I want to be right here with you, with your guitar in my hand.”  We stopped walking and turned to face each other.

            I laughed.  “Why with my guitar in your hand?”

            “Because as long as I’m holding it, you can’t leave.”

            I probably blushed.  He took a step closer to me, so that the toes of our shoes were almost touching.  He leaned in closer, and closer…  We were going to kiss!

            If it had been anyone else, I would have kissed him right then.  But two thoughts made me step back and turn my head: one, He’s thirty-two! and two, I can’t take advantage of him.  Of course he liked me—I’d been kind of him when everyone else shunned him.  But I, knowing it could never really work, shouldn’t string his heart along any further.  I couldn’t use him like that.

            But aside from all these gallantries, my heart ached when I turned away and I had to fight not to cry.  Why did I have to be such a crybaby?

            “I’m sorry,” he said, sounding as if he were apologizing for high treason.

            “It’s okay, I’m really—“  Fine.  I couldn’t get it out, though, because my sobs threatened to break loose.

            “I’m so sorry,” he said again.  “I…I understand.”  He held out my guitar, I took it, and he walked away.  I turned the other way and headed back to my car, holding my chin high and taking deep breaths to cool my spirits.  By the time I reached my car, my vision was clear and my breath smooth.  I put my guitar in the back and drove home, trying not to think too much about what had just happened.

   

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Apology

I am so sorry for not posting in forever!  I've been having problems with my computer, but hopefully they're resolved now, so I should be getting back into it again.  I'm sorry for disappearing off the face of the planet!

Friday, January 13, 2012

Paranormal Experience

He glances at me from across the room
Our eyes meet
His are as blue as the sky on a crisp winter day
His stare is like a hypnotist
I’m caught in a web
I can’t decide if I like this or not
Do I want him to look at me?
Ought I to flee?
I’m aware of the world around me
Like I’m an eavesdropper
Like I’m not really here
I’m in his eyes, the porthole to the mind
I feel his thoughts
Who is this guy?
Suddenly I’m released
I’m back again
Slightly afraid to look, but I do
He’s gone
Look all around
He never was there

Monday, January 9, 2012

New Person

What is it with me?
I’m liking guys that aren’t my type
I’m having unfamiliar urges
My opinions have changed
Since last week
Am I a brand new person?
Well I don’t like this new person
I wish I could be the old Laura
Who valued character and talent
Above appearance and masculinity
I feel like someone else
Craving money, wanting to be fit
This isn’t me!
I don’t like this new person
I want my old self back!

Friday, January 6, 2012

A Book and Its Cover

            She had neon green spikes through her ears, bright purple skinny jeans, black hair falling over her face, and heavy eyeliner.  How can she wake up in the morning, look in the mirror, and think that looks nice? I thought.  Well, I guess there’s one way to find out.  She was just chilling, leaning against a building, so I figured she could spare a minute to talk to me.
            “Excuse me,” I said.  “Can I ask you a question?”  She turned toward me slowly, took me in—me and all my “normalcy”—and replied, “Sure.”  I was somewhat surprised to find her voice of a similar tone to mine—not particularly low—and her expression pleasant.
            “Why do you dress like that?” I asked, glancing down at her outfit.
            “Why do you dress like that?” she responded, looking at my jeans and sweatshirt.
            “Because it looks good,” I said, “and it is considered by most people to be normal.”
            “So?” she replied.  “I and my friend prefer this style.  That’s what matters, right?  I don’t really care about pleasing you.”
            I was slightly offended, but I understood her point.  I had kind of thought people who dressed like she did really preferred my own style, but sacrificed looking nice for the purpose of making a point.
            “But…aren’t there universal standards for life?”
            “Of course there are,” she answered.  “Not many people would take too kindly to me killing you right now.”  I took a step back.  “But who cares if my jeans are purple and yours are blue?”
            “I prefer blue jeans,” I said.  “I don’t want to dress like you.”
            “Then don’t,” she replied.  “Don’t you see?  That’s the point!  When it comes to style of clothes, or style of music, or dialect of language—things that aren’t dictated by a higher power—it’s up to the individual.”
            I gave that a moment of thought.
            “But by dressing that way, you’re being rebellious,” I said.
            “Rebellious?” she echoed.  “Who am I rebelling against?  People like you—people who think they’re normal.  But by dressing like that, maybe you’re rebelling against people like me.  I have no authority over you and you have no authority over me.  Some people do have authority over us, but there’s no law about clothing styles, as long as you wear clothes!” 
            “So it’s the government who decides what’s normal or what’s right and wrong?  The government has the authority to dictate color of jeans?”
            “No, that wouldn’t be the government’s place.  That is outside the realm of its authority.”
            “But…”  There was still something I wasn’t getting here.  “But who gives the government its authority?  The people?”
            “No.”
            “Then who?”
            “God.”
            Now, this really surprised me.
            “You believe in God?”
            “Sure,” she answered.  “Surprised?”
            “Are you a Christian?”
            “Yes,” she replied.
            “Then why do you dress like that?”
            “Because I want to, and the Bible doesn’t have a preference.  God, apparently, doesn’t have a preference.  So the government shouldn’t either.  That is not the responsibility of the government.” 
            “So you’re saying God has ultimate power.”  This conversation was getting weirder and weirder.  I always figured these punks only thought about drugs, booze, and sex.  This girl not only claimed to be a Christian, but appeared to be a philosopher.
            “Yes, God has ultimate power.”
            “What gives him the right to ultimate power?”
            “No one.  He doesn’t need anyone to give him authority, because he is the authority.  He was before all things.  No one delegated him to rule the universe.  He created the universe, and he created life the way it is: with him in charge.  He gives power to other people—like government authorities—but he’s up there watching out to make sure they don’t abuse the power he gave them.”
            “Hm,” I said.  “Well…thank you very much.”  As I walked away, I had a lot to think about, and I appreciated my own style so much more, knowing that it was my own.

Monday, January 2, 2012

Spying on Dignity

          The house looked like the Coliseum to me—the Coliseum with a huge, green lawn in front.  The house was mammoth—much larger than it appeared from the highway.  But now that I was there, walking up the white driveway, I could hardly believe my eyes.
            And there they were: beautiful women clad in shimmery evening gowns, gentlemen in tuxedos, sipping champagne.  A mini orchestra swayed the dancers like a breeze on a field of tall grass.
            I hung back in the trees, watching the people on the patio.  They were like shadows, slitting before my eyes and blending into a unified mass of wealth.  Gold, glitz, and glamour… it was all here, and it made my heart pound just to be so near it.  There was a difference between the society column in the newspaper and the real-life party on the patio of the Great House.
            Now I had seen it.  Now I was done.  I slid away into the park, leaving the aristocracy to itself.